My Journey

I grew up constantly being described as the 'wayward one', the non-conformist. I was the child that ate mud and coal and the adult that never fitted in.

Training as a Counsellor:
Much of what we do in training is self-work and reflection. As my tutor would say, 'you can't take anyone somewhere you haven't been yourself'. Undertaking my own therapy highlighted my own difficulties, difficulties I had previously ignored.

Emotions Are Neither Good nor Bad:
We categorise emotions as good (e.g. happy or excited) and bad (e.g. sad or angry). But emotions hold no moral value; they exist to indicate something to us (for emotions perceived as good, it's our body's way of saying 'do that again'. For emotions perceived as bad, it's our body's way of preparing us for action like crying for release when we grieve or preparing us to fight when we are angry).

I can't do emotions!
My rational brain told me that it was my upbringing that prevented me from showing emotions. In fact one of my bosses said I was like Gromit, the claymation dog. You couldn't tell anything from my face, except sometimes my eyebrow would rise when I heard something really shocking!

Life on the Spectrum:
So I reached the age of 57 before realising there was an explanation for my many quirks.

• How being unable to 'sit' with any emotion, would lead to poor decision making.

• How I could work proficiently as a Project Manager, yet couldn't organise my own diary!

• How I have to memorise people's hair, gait and location because I don't recognise faces!

• Being judged as not trustworthy, for not being able to make eye-contact.

What now?
Whilst I now have an explanation for some of my history, I also have an opportunity to learn and grow towards being a better partner, daughter, sister, friend and employee. We are never too old to become a better version of ourselves.